Bill had loved it, too. Smiley didn’t doubt that for a moment. Standing at the middle of a secret stage, playing world against world, hero and playwright in one: oh, Bill had loved that, all right.

Smiley shrugged it all aside, distrustful as ever of the standard shapes of human motive. He settled instead for a picture of one of those wooden Russian dolls that open up, revealing one person inside the other, and another inside him. Of all men living, only Karla had seen the last little doll inside Bill Haydon. When was Bill recruited, and how? Was his right-wing stand at Oxford a pose, or was it paradoxically the state of sin from which Karla summoned him to grace?

that’s not part of the song

She would never say where she came from
Yesterday don’t matter if it’s gone
While the sun is bright
Or in the darkest night
No one knows
She comes and goes


People who hate me.

A.B.
B.A.
B.Z.
J.C.
J.S.
S.S.
S.V.


Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I’m gonna miss you...


Why they hate me.

Because of five years that I didn’t control.
Because I am offensive.
Because I didn’t tell everything.
Because I said too much.
Because I never want to talk.
Because I never came back.
Because I wrecked everything.


Don’t question why she needs to be so free
She’ll tell you it’s the only way to be
She just can’t be chained
To a life where nothing’s gained
And nothing’s lost
At such a cost


Things I tell myself so it won’t hurt so badly.

She was awful.
He started it.
I don’t have to explain everything.
He never really knew me.
She is just jealous.
I couldn’t help it.
It would have happened anyway.




There’s no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And you will lose your mind.
Ain’t life unkind?



But it matters.



Goodbye, ruby tuesday
Who could hang a name on you?
When you change with every new day
Still I’m gonna miss you...


Doesn’t it?


Goodbye, ruby tuesday…

For Anna

Brother, I am fire
Surging under the ocean floor.
I shall never meet you, brother—
Not for years, anyhow;
Maybe thousands of years, brother.
Then I will warm you,
Hold you close, wrap you in circles,
Use you and change you—
Maybe thousands of years, brother.

Madison, again

12 days and one moment of weakness equals what?

People who could change the world

1) Joel Osteen

2) Dr. Phil

3)I haven't found anymore yet.

unexpected wisdom

But you're a writer. You can describe anything. That's what you do: pictures to words, events to words, words to even better words. -Wake

Subject...Anything

(this message was composed on Mon, Feb 9, 2004)

Dear FutureMe,

This is your 21st birthday...I hope you are doing something fun; have had a piece of writing published somewhere; have some close friends you can touch; are at college; are happy and healthy and confident; and have started something that will change the world.

Love, me at 19.