Choices

The one thing you must not do during a game is acknowledge that it is one.

It's near to four AM and I am sleeping in a Wal-Mart parking lot. Wondering how I got here? So am I. It's not the first time this has happened, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I get the urge to write at the oddest times; but I'm buzzed on coke and what else can one do at this time but write? So here I am. Listening to the street sweepers rattle by, and wishing I had a toothbrush. It's funny when you realize just how many things you think you need are really just a luxury; they're nice to have but you can survive without them. Sometimes, just knowing that you can survive is enough. People can say what they will about me, but I have seen things and done things that they will never see or do; and for their sheer ignorance I pity them. They get so caught up in self-righteousness and condemnation that it never occurs to them that there might be a different way. Don't be like that. You'll miss so much.

Though Oz had given her a twisted life, hadn't it also made her capable?

Do you ever think back on those moments in your life where you were at a cross-roads, and the decision you made altered your course? Do you wonder that, in that one infinite moment, your life was still,and your futures were many, you only had to choose...and you did, but blindly, because if at the moment you had to decide you were aware of what power you held, and how fragile the balance was, you wouldn't be able to do it. Can you look back now, and pick out those moments? I can. When I was asked if I wanted to try another gym besides Olympiad, and I said no. In the beginning with Adam, when said yes; at the end with him, when I said no. I said yes to Florida, yes to James, yes to my uncle when he asked if I hated what I was doing. And so many other times I've said one word and changed everything. I don't regret the decisions I've made; I can't afford to. If nothing else I can say it was my choices that brought me here. But sometimes...sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had said yes instead of no? Where would I be...who would I be? I don't know. And I'm not sure that I need to.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?